You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize