omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
