Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
