Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
