I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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