Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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