He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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