i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Can I color on your dick again?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
