I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
