I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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