so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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