There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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