if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
