i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
