I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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