you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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