Pappa wants mamma naked
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
