? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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