Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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