yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
