He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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