More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
