she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
