Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
