I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
