I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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