I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
