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When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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