I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
