She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
