On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
