you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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