He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
