Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
bring money and cleavage
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
