he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Randomize
