I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
