I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
