he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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