Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
this will be a night to untag.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
