i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
