She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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