I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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