1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
so let's talk penis.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
