i need an iv and a liver transplant
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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