I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
