You smell like stripper and shame
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
