If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
