i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Sext me about skeletons
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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