I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
