I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
