New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
