I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
no you cant smoke seaweed
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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