Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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