JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I need to sanitize my soul.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize