im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
