I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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