if i can run in heels then i can drive
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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