how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
