so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
time to smoke my breakfast
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Oh god it's open bar.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
