Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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