I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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