i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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