He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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