If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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