i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize