Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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