So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
