So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
